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Saturday, September 20, 2014

Life's Journey-Unanswered Questions Don't Have to Stop You From Healing

 The Indigenous Adoptee Gathering of 2014 in Ottawa is nothing short of amazing because it gives a voice to all of us who once were silenced-  that means adoptees, those who survived foster care etc etc.....

Today I had a profound thought after a sharing circle I participated in. Though I have always known it deep down inside me, it awakened within me again today when I realized that I have this one haunting question that I would love to ask my ex-adoptive parents

"What was so wrong with me, that you didn't keep me, like you kept my sister?"

 For god sakes I was a kid, you guys were the adults. Then in my head I realized this is a question that will probably always haunt me, and may never get answered because my adoptive parents are no longer in my life, which is completely my choice. I recognized within me, unanswered questions and what they can do to me, is up to me.

Everyone's healing journey is different. I went through a gamut of problems-eating disorders, suicidal ideation, very deep depressions and other self harming behaviours before I realized with the help of therapy, friends and community I was worth fighting for, I was worthy of living despite not feeling like I was.

Now I see that no matter how far I go in my healing journey there will always be questions and sometimes there will be questions that will go unanswered. It's these unanswered questions I believe I need to make peace with in order for my healing to continue and for me to not stray back to where I used to be..... I so don't want to go back down that road. I recognized today that its the community and friends I have built around myself (not to mention my awesome nieces, my sister and others) that have literally helped save me and made me who and what I am today.

Chi miigwetch to everyone in my life, your support means more than words can ever say!

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